The Contractor
by IvoryGuard
Summary: Yeah, it's another "human comes to equestria story", I know. This is mostly to get a grasp on a solid writing style, so grade harshly. If enough interest, I'll finish it. If not, nothing of value was lost. Rated M for language and violence.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. **

It was the missed opportunity that riled him the most. The thought that he could have had that much more of a payout for such an insignificant extra effort. All he'd needed to do was take a trophy from his victim. An ear, perhaps? Maybe a thumb. Pragmatist that he was, he'd played it safe. Given a final "No" to the stipulation that forever seperated him from his nice little bonus. Who'd have thought he'd bump into the mark outside a convenience store, follow him home, and end his life with a needle full of lye as he lay in his bed for the night? Where's the fun in that?

No matter, $400,000.00 (all payable to a Mr. Nicholas Petrarch, of course) was his now. The sweet, tangible feel of a payday. Blood money. One man's death was another man's profit. Even if the latter had to help the former along in a sense. Regardless, No one should let an opportunity like that pass them by. Especially when you're staring a six-figure number (with his little friend, the dollar sign) square in the face...Metaphorically, of course.

"Far be it from me to deprive a financially well-off customer from a satisfactory result." He thought.

After all that's all life was, then and now. Dog eat dog. Survival of the fittest. And he survived. A jarring bump scattered his train of thought. "Goddamn pot-holes." The city truly had gone to shit in the last decade or so. Christ forbid they just fix their shit without turning the condition of the decrepit metropolis into a campaign platform. (That'd be you, City Commissioner Raddick. Jackass)

"Urban renewal, my ass. Give me a 5 gallon jug of unleaded and a Zippo, and I'll give you results on that front." He mumbled darkly. Nicholas reached over to the center console, fumbling with his cell phone and it's charger. 25 percent battery left. Not that it mattered. Pre-paid phones weren't exactly a permanent communication medium for him. Finally getting it plugged in, he looked back up at the road. In the rear-view mirror, something caught his eye.

Lights.

Behind him.

He'd run a stopsign. Fuck.

His perception of the passage of time slowed as he thought about what to do. A contract killer getting pulled over for a traffic violation. It was almost funny. Deciding to play it by ear, Nicholas guided the Lexus to the curb. His black eyes watched the flashing Crown Victoria behind him. Despite his forced-calm veneer, he began to sweat.

After what seemed an eternity, the officer stepped out of the car and strode up to the window. Nicholas turned his eyes left. The officer had not silhouetted his body against the open window, instead standing behind the door. Typical paranoid city cop...Not without good reason, though. Nicholas rubbed his concealed holster unconsciously.

"Crafty motherfucker." His mind growled.

"License, registration, and proof of insurance?"

"Yes sir." He deftly popped open the glove box. Just because it was a dump vehicle didn't mean his employers gaffed off their paperwork. He slid several official looking paper out of a manila envelope and into the waiting hands of his temporary nemesis. Lastly, he pulled his wallet from his back pocket, silently hoping he'd grabbed the correct wallet from his large collection of stolen identifications.

Grey eyes quickly scanned through the documents. They were handed back. Satisfactory. Good.

"You know why I stopped you tonight, sir?"

"Yeah, that stoplight. That was my bad, sir. Long day at the office. Had a lot of bullshit to deal with today...You know how it is."

No trace of sympathy. No trace of disbelief either. Sympathy was optional. The validity of his story was not.

"Alright, well...Traffic laws are made to be obeyed. Regardless of how much of a dick your boss is, I'm gonna have to cite you, sir."

"Yes, sir. I understand completely." Asshole.

"Sit tight, I'll be back."

The sound of footsteps gradually faded. Easy day.

"Heh, and here I am working myself into a goddamn panic." He reclined his seat.

Cigarettes. He thumbed a Camel out of his pack; flicked his lighter.

Drag.

Exhale.

His mind slid back to his previous thoughts. Why did he do what he did? A flash of memory: Black hills far off in the distance, sand and moondust as far as he could see. A pressure on his shoulders. Flak jacket with a chest rig atop it. M4 carbine in his shoulder. Oakleys on his face. A Marine 20 yards in front of him. A Marine 20 yards behind. Proper dispersion saves lives, right? Sure does. Kill bodies, Chesty. "Seriously, why the fuck do I only get patrol flashbacks, why can't I ever just stay at the FOB?" The memory dissipated like smoke in a squall.

"Man. Fuck that country, dude."

Fuck the sand, fuck the rain, fuck the cold. And fuck the people. Goddamn, he hated the people. Of course, he didn't just limit his loathing of humanity to obscure pashtun tribals. Hell, he hated everyone. He hated himself, especially himself. "Well, that pretty much covers all the bases."

A genuine hatred of humanity. He probed that thought more deeply. Why did he? Hate wasn't like an expired can of ravioli in the pantry. "Oh, shit! How'd that get there?" And there was no way in hell that the bastard who'd killed his wife and kid in a wreck played a part in it. Bonus points to the guy for being balls-deep in a bottle of Sailor Jerry's when he erased Nick's family from existance. Stay classy, boss.

Footsteps. Oh boy. The officer reappeared in his window. A slim piece of paper was handed to him. He stared at it impassively. After an awkward 4 seconds, he finally grasped it.

"Thanks." he said sarcastically.

"Anytime." God, what a douche.

As he slid the paper into his breast pocket, his black dinner jacket slid open...Just enough so the handle of a SVI Infinity Carbon .40SW sitting between the seat and the armrest came into view. The officer's eyes widened. Fuck.

Instantly, the man's hand was on his holster. "Step out of the vehicle, sir...Slowly, now."

Nicholas slowly popped the door latch, mind racing. He still had the contract on him. (WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT, RETARD?) Any half-wit who went through his pockets would find it, read it, and fuck him in the ass (in court) with it. A plan formulated in his mind. A desperate plan.

He swung his legs violently out of the car, taking the firearm with him. Nicholas thrust his elbow into the officer's stomach with all the force he could muster. The man gasped and staggered backwards. From there it became a matter of muscle memory.

Handle. Grip. Up. Sight picture. Squeeze. recoil. Sight picture. Squeeze. recoil.

When his mind came back to him, he looked at the cop. Two in the pig's chest. And he was still standing. Worse yet, he had his handgun out. Nicholas thought with the crystal-clear clarity of a man who was already dead. His supressor. Subsonic rounds. If only he'd remembered to grab his jacketed hollow-point clip instead of his goddamned subsonic one. Not to mention the man had been full of adrenaline when he'd shot him. And he knew those damned subsonic rounds hadn't done shit to his kevlar vest.

"Wow. How did I forget all those factors?"

In the last few microseconds of his life, time seemed to stop. He saw a small white flash build in the muzzle of the Officer's service pistol. He saw a small copper slug speed towards his face. "See? The fucking Cops remember to grab their Jacketed Hollow Points! WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU?" His mind screamed at him.

He felt the bullet touch his forehead. The last thing he heard was a snap. Then he was falling...

XXX

Light. A breeze. Sunlight.

Nicholas opened his eyes. Mother of God.

There was a forest to his left. and a meadow to his right.

For a few seconds, his mind stopped. He tried to process what was around him. He failed. Dumbfounded, he looked around and saw nature at it's finest. What the fuck?

"I'm dead, but this doesn't look like hell to me. And I know I sure as fuck didn't go to paradise." he stammered to himself. "What the fuck, God? So you send the assholes to Shangri-La when they die?"

He sighed heavily and stood up. His pistol was in his concealed carry holster strapped to his torse. He hadn't put it there; kinda hard to when you're dead. What the fuck? He ran a hand through his short black hair. Nothing added up. "Hope that cocksucker came with me." He grunted halfheartedly. Seeing no other choice, he started walking towards a small hill to his left. Might as well scope out the place from a good vantage point.

Once astride the knoll, he looked around. The sun was setting in the distance. Maybe another 30 minutes of light. Great. Nothing like the great outdoors. As if I didn't hate to fucking bivouac enough, now I don't even have a sleeping bag. Fucked again. Awesome.

Nicholas sat on the hill. If he wasn't supposed to be dead, this would be really pretty. He glanced around, looking for a nice flat spot that he could fall asleep on.

And for the first time, he saw it. Well, them. Maybe 150 yards out.

"Holy shit."

2 brightly colored fillies walked down a dirt road that seemed to run parallel to the forest. One was a pastel blue, with a mane the color of iced coffee...And a flower tattoo tramp-stamped across its flank. The other a brilliant shade of yellow, a white mane and 2 lemons slapped across its ass. Nicholas stared vacantly at the sight. They were talking animatedly to each other.

Talking.

Each other.

Horses.

TALKING.

His brain deadpanned. The sight of a creature doing something that it was not only physically incapable of doing, but mentally incapable of doing as well had pulled the emergency brake on his train of thought. Finally after a minute of dumb silence, his brain finally began to tick again.

Horses meant stables. Stables meant shelter. Shelter meant not getting rained on. He looked up. Not a cloud in the sky. With his luck, that meant it would POUR tonight. But how to get to the aforementioned (and still very notional) shelter? Maybe he could follow them. Of course, they lived there, too. And unless he wanted to waste precious, unreplacable rounds on 2 brightly colored ponies, his chances of sleeping under a roof were gone.

A thought floated across his mind. He scoffed. "What, am I just gonna go chat it up?"

"Worth a try." his brain whispered back.

Sighing, he got to his feet and began the walk over to the brightly colored fillies. What's the worst that could happen, right? "I mean, as long as I'm polite, I'll get results." he thought. Heh. Polite... Yeah, ok. As far as ambassadors to colored ponies went, humankind could have definitely done better.

Right now, whatever the deal, he'd take it.

The white filly looked up, and her eyes widened. Something was coming their way. Something different...


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm just gonna get this out of the way now. NO. There will be no humanXpony sexual relations. That's just sick. **

"Did we already look over there?" Asked the white filly.

"Where?"

"By that bush with the purple flowers on it." The two ponies turned their eyes towards a smashed bush, clearly the site of an earlier struggle. The blue unicorn filly, Petal drops rolled her eyes and smiled tolerantly at her spacy friend.

"You mean the bush you insisted I crawl through and run into a fox?"

"Umm... Yeah. That one" Lemon Brittle forced a smile. Petal Drops just raised an eyebrow and continued.

"And then get ATTACKED by the fox?"

The white filly looked sheepishly at the ground. She stole a glimpse at her friend. There was no overt anger, only some good-natured irritation. Lemon thought for a second. Finally:

"Sorry, Petal Drops...I didn't know that she had her pups in there. I really am sorry. But...I don't think we'll find 'em before the sun goes down!" At that, Lemon Brittle started to tear up.

Petal Drops sighed and shook her head. Honestly, her generosity got her into more situations than she cared to be in. At least this one was for a good cause. Petal put her hoof around Lemon Brittle and pulled her closer.

"I promise, I'll help you find those letter from your coltfriend. Have I ever left you hangin'?"

A single tear dripped off Lemon Brittle's nose. "No." Finally, she took her olive green eyes off the ground, and looked at her friend. She smiled forlornly. "No, you haven't."

"I wouldn't start now, either." Petal's feature's hardened into a determined grin. "Now, come on! Those papers aren't gonna find themselves!"

At that, a large grin appeared on Lemon's face. "Yeah!" The two fillies trotted further down the dirt road. Lemon glanced at the sun. "Oh...We don't have much longer!" she whined. "If we have to, I can light the way with my horn. We'll find 'em...Lemon? Lemon?" Petal Drops turned around. Lemon Brittle was staring at a hill. No, not a hill. There was something walking down the hill.

"What's that?" she gasped.

"I dunno, but it's coming this way."

XXX

"Well, they made me." Nicholas thought to himself.

"Alright, slow, steady pace. I don't need panicked mini-ponies bolting off this close to sundown. Especially not if I want to sleep indoors." He continued his slow trudge towards the two ponies. In spite of the dim light, he finally started to notice features...such as-

"What the fuck? Is that a horn?" Heaving a sigh at this latest revelation, he walked a final 10 yards to the ponies. Clearly, they were as amazed with him as he was with them. The white filly mercifully broke the silence. "Um...Hi!"

"Oh, they speak english. Miracles never cease." His mind laughed. He returned the greeting, smiling to offset the disbelief he felt in his mind.

"Hi, yourself. You got a name?"

"I'm Lemon Brittle, and this is my friend Petal Drops." Lemon gestured to the azure unicorn with her head. Petal Drops gave a quick, forced smile. "So..What's your name?"

"Nick. Nick Petrarch. And, uh. You're a unicorn...correct?"

Petal Drops face brightened at this. "Yeah! So, uh...What are you?"

"I'm what you call a 'human'. Heard of us?"

The two ponies shook their heads. "So, how do you know what we are, but we've never heard of a human?" Petal ventured.

Nicholas shrugged. "No clue."

An akward silence followed. Finally, after a long 10 seconds, Nicholas asked the first question towards his ultimate goal of shelter.

"You got anywhere to stay around here. Just for the night. I think it's gonna rain, and knowing my luck it will. So, an inn would be nice, y'know just somewhere to crash. Got anything that falls under that category?"

Lemon Brittle pointed down the trail heading away from the forest. Nicholas could just make out the silhouette of buildings from this distance. "That's Ponyville. I think somepony there might be able to help you out. I dunno why it would rain though. The pegasi have said it'll be sunny for the next 2 weeks" She smiled brightly at him.

Nicholas let the bit about pegasi go over his head. No point in getting wrapped up in things he didn't understand. "I think I'll play it safe. So, just walk down this road right?"

"You got any bits on you?" Asked Petal Drops. Always the logical one.

"Any what, now?"

"Bits. Money."

Nicholas inwardly cursed the damnable ponyworld for not appreciating the universal value of the almighty dollar. Outwardly, he kept up the facade.

"No...I guess not. We use different money where I'm from."

Petal Drops smiled cryptically. She had a plan. "Awww. That's too bad. You'd need some bits to rent a room." She raised an eyebrow in thought. "BUT! I think I have a plan. We're looking for something, and if you help us find it, there's a reward in it for you." The trap sprung shut.

The forced grin vanished like smoke in a gale from Nicholas' face. He looked at the still setting sun. 15 minutes at most until nightfall. His mind, ever predictable began to tick.

"They have money. I can take that money. Easily."

He finally decided to gather a bit more information before he acted; Nicolas spoke to Petal Drops.

"What're you looking for?"

Lemon Brittle broke her silence. "Some letters from my coltfriend. The wind blew 'em away, and we've been trying to find them for most of today." She gave a sad smile here. "We'd really appreciate some help. Please?"

"The sun'll be gone in the next 15 minutes, I promise. Why not wait until tomorrow?"

"Well, we've got 3 of the letters, we just need one more. If we find it now, we won't have to come this close to the forest again." Lemon Brittle said with some apprehension. Nick saw it, plain as day.

"Hold up. What's in the forest?"

"Monsters...and stuff..."

Ever helpful, these ponyfolk.

"Oh yeah, like what?"

"Manticores and cockatrices. Somepony also told me there's diamond dogs in there, too!"

Nicholas was becoming irritated at his lack of progress towards obtaining shelter. He thumbed the gun at his side. So easy. So fast. Something stopped him. Something that wasn't there before. He sighed.

"Tell ya what. I'll help. In return, you've gotta show me where this inn's at. I'm not about to go walk around a pony village without a guide. I got a gut feeling that would end badly."

"YAY!" Lemon Brittle jumped ecstatically. "Thanks so much! Come on! Hey Petal, use your light trick thingy!" At that, petal lit up a 5 foot area around the group. Nick raised an eyebrow.

"That's it?"

"What's it?"

"That's all the light we've got?"

Petal glared at the newcomer "I don't see you contributing anyting."

Nick laughed and reached into his pocket. A small black surefire. He pressed the button on the side. Instantly, the brilliant white light flooded the area in front of them. Turning back to Petal, he sneered.

"Get on my level, buttercup." Nicholas started forward with Lemon Brittle skipping happily behind him.

Petal Drops looked at the meager light around her sadly. Shown up yet again. The glow faded from her horn, and she trotted to catch up with the rest of her group.

XXX

"Are you gonna come with, or not?"

Lemon Brittle looked apprehensively at the forest. Creepy shadows seemed to leer at her, and trees seem to reach out their decrepit branches in a ghostly effort to snare them. Instinctively, she backed up. Nicholas scoffed in frustation.

"Look, I'm not doing this for me. So the least you could do is follow me into the forest and let me do my thing. It's common courtesy."

"I'll...I'll come. But can we please wait 'till Petal finishes checking out that rock cluster? You wouldn't just leave her here, would you?"

"You don't know me very well. It's risky to make those kinds of assumptions." Nicholas proclaimed with a sardonic grin.

The little filly's eyes widened at the revelation. "But you wouldn't, would you?" She adamantly begged.

"Not this time. Circumstances dictate what would- There. At the base of that tree by the cave. What's that?" Lemon Brittle glanced at the offending tree. A dawning of realization shot through her, and she galloped over to the tree.

"YOU FOUND IT! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU! Petal Drops! Nicholas found it!" Her eyes sparkled as she pored over the letter.

Petal Drops came up from behind the human, giving him a smile as she passed. "Thank you. I don't know if it means much to you, but you've made Lemon so happy." Her promise flashed through her mind. "Here, I want you to have these. A promise is a promise." Her saddlebag lid flapped open, and a small bag tied with a string floated over towards Nicholas. He took it from middair and opened it, inspecting the coins inside.

"Cool, let's get out of here. This forest sucks." Nicholas turned around and started to walk back towards the dirt road. "Nick! Where's Lemon?" He glanced back at Petal, seeing her lavender eyes filled with worry. "I dunno. Maybe she already headed back." Petal vigorously shook her head. "NO! We came in together, she would have waited!" An anxious look crossed her face.

"The cave..."

"Yeah? You think she went in there?"

"Maybe, she's not the...brightest pony around."

"Wow. You're an awesome friend. I remember when I used to laugh at my friends shortcomings."

Petal trembled and a single tear splashed out of her eye. "STOP IT! How can you say that? Please, let's just go check it out! Please?"

Nick groaned and started towards the mouth of the cave. "You're coming with me. AND, this is gonna cost you extra. Gotta make a profit somehow."

"Yeah, ok, cool! Just please find her!"

The little filly and the black-hearted human began their descent into darkness. Nicholas had a flash of insight. Pulling his handgun out, he slid the small surefire along the rail until it settled against the trigger guard. He thumbed the pad on the side. The brilliant light illuminated the cave. Petal glanced at the black device in Nicholas' hand.

"What's that?"

"Insurance."

They made their way deeper into the confines of the cave, the smell of moisture and...something else in the air. Nicholas grew more and more irritated. His single 3-volt battery wouldn't last forever. Finally, he turned to the distraught filly.

"Hey, use your little horn trick."

She looked up at him with a hint of anger

"You said it wasn't very good."

"It's not, but this thing won't stay lit forever. And unless you're perfectly at home in complete blackness, you might want to do something."

Petal's horn began to glow. The same dull pink light began to glow around the duo. Nicholas thought for a minute.

"Project it forward."

"What's that mean?"

"Aim your light straight ahead so I can see straight ahead. Amazing, right?"

Petal blushed at the criticism. "I don't know if I can."

"Well, try at least."

The unicorn's eyes slid shut as she focused on the frail light. Slowly, the light began to form a rough cone in front of the group. Nicholas froze as the light fell upon a form in the blackness. Petal opened her eyes and looked, a smile on her face. "I did it." she sighed, satisfied.

"Yeah. You did."

She looked to her front. A gasp of horror escaped her mouth. A strange eyeless creature sat unmoving on a rock. Hairless and stick thin, the horror was perched on a rock, grinning a mouth of razor sharp teeth at the intruders. Petal froze with terror, the light on her horn beginning to fade.

"KEEP THAT GODDAMN LIGHT ON!" Nicholas screamed at the terrified pony. Petal jumped at the outburst, the light became brighter immediatly. Then vanished. But not before a sharp snap punctuated the dead silence of the cave. Nicholas thumbed the switch, and his surefire blinked to life. The top half of the abomination's skull was gone. Even with the suppressor, that fucker was done. Nicholas moved over to the wretched creature's body, and delivered a vicious kick to it's ribs. It didn't move.

"Stupid bitch."

"Wha-wha-wha...What did you do?"

I saved our fucking lives. No big deal or nothin'. There, behind that rock."

"LEMON BRITTLE!"

Petal dashed over to the still form of her friend. She shook the white filly tenaciously. Lemon Brittle rolled over and looked at her friend. Her eyes glazed, she whispered "Did you hear the music, too?" Nick's eyes widened.

"Oh-Kay. Nice way to infringe on several horror movies there, kiddo."

He grabbed the catatonic form of Lemon Brittle and threw her over his shoulder. He began to retrace his way back out. Petal trotted closely behind, begging her friend to hold on. Finally, the ethereal form of the moon shone ouside the mouth of the cave. As they exited, shelter returned to Nick's mind. And he was tired of playing games.

"Where's Horsehampton, or whatever the damn town's name was?"

Petal wiped her eyes with her hoof, and pointed at the road. "D-do you think they can help her?"

"Why're you askin' me? I've never been there. But, I'll tell you what. Since I'm a fucking gentleman, I'll take your little buddy here to the hospital or whatever your equivalent is. And then, I'm gonna go to the inn, and you're not gonna bother me until tomorrow. Got it?"

The blue filly tearfully nodded.

"Good, let's hurry. I'm tired."


	3. Chapter 3

**To everyone who gave me advice, I appreciate it. Just keep letting me know about things I can do better. The dream sequence is extremely jargon-heavy, so if you've got a question about what one of the words means, just ask. **

It seemed like an eternity, but the group finally entered the town. With a singleminded determination to finally get some fucking sleep, Nicholas trudged wearily over to what Petal Drops told him was a clinic. Nick rapped on the door with his knuckles. The lights were out, but hopefully they'd have a night shift that hadn't fallen asleep on his post. Ever the cynic, He doubted that strongly.

Silence. Big suprise.

"Are you fuckin' serious?"

*BAM* *BAM* *BAM* He hammered on the door with his fist. Finally, the door opened.

Nurse Redheart wiped the sleep out of her eyes as she opened the door. *YAWN* "What's the problem he-" One glance at the visitor silenced her. A tall bipedal creature with a very short black mane, and (in her opinion) evil black eyes stared down at her. Thrown over his shoulder was a small white filly with a yellow mane. Her olive green eyes were glassy and half-closed. Nurse Redheart stepped away from the open door in horror. "What...What did you do?"

The irate human rolled his eyes at the presumption that he was responsible. "I saved her life. And now you're gonna take care of her, because I'm tired. Also, the blue pony behind me will be covering any medical expenses." He turned around glaring fiercely at the distraught blue pony. "Won't you?" A soundless nod was her response. The knowledge that the two-legged creature, however rude he was, had not brutalized the poor filly put Nurse Redheart somewhat at ease.

"Ah...Well...We have a room in the back. I suppose we'll leave her there until we begin her examination." Nurse Redheart pulled out a small clipboard and a pencil. "What did you say her name was?"

Petal Drops finally broke her silence. "Lemon Brittle...And she's my best friend, so I'd really like to stay here with her."

Nurse Redheart spoke softly to the anxious pony. "I promise, you can stay with her. But right now, we need information so that we can treat her. Can you help me with that?"

Petal nodded morosely. "Good, now then, ah..Mister...is it?"

"Yeah, call me Nick."

"Okay then, Nick. Would you please bring Lemon Brittle to the bed back here. Thanks" The nurse turned back to Petal Drops. "Let's go have a seat and fill out these papers." At that, the two ponies headed towards what looked like a small administrative office. Nicholas sighed as he walked down the hall toward the empty room. He opened the door, and walked in. There was a small cot, perfectly sized for a pony. Not perfectly sized for him.

"They better have REAL beds at this inn you were talking about." He grumbled at the unconscious form of Lemon Brittle. He set her in the bed, and pulled the sheets over her. He walked towards the door, fully intending to leave. Something stopped him, and he looked back at the filly.

Nick hadn't really noticed before how sickly the little pony looked. Now, the dim candlelight only exacerbated how ill she looked. A remnant of his humanity tugged at his heartstrings. Slowly, he walked over to Lemon Brittle and tentatively put his hand on her head. He stroked her mane softly. "You better not die on me, little buddy. I don't have enough friends to replace you" He laughed softly at his joke. The smile faded from his face. He felt uncomfortable about leaving the little filly here alone. Granted, Petal Drops would be staying as well, but he didn't trust the helpless pony's security to her little friend.

Nick briskly walked out of the door into an adjacent room. There was a pile of linen stacked neatly on a desk. Nick grabbed four sheets and a blanket and strode back into Lemon Brittle's room. Setting the four sheets on the ground in a rough imitation of a pillow, he laid his head on the sheets and pulled the blanket over him. It wasn't the worst place he'd ever slept, and the sheer weight of his exhaustion finally began to fall over him.

Nicholas was asleep in 5 minutes.

XXX

"Shut the fuck up, Dawson."

"Naw, nigga! Fuck you! You done got the Chicken Feta MRE for the last 2 weeks! Tha's some bullshit right there!"

Hawkins laughed at the argument and threw in his two-cents.

"Ahaha! You would want the fuckin' chicken, Dawson!"

Dawson grinned crazily at the third party, and put on his best fake-slave accent. "Shee-it massah! You'sa knows us darkies loves them chick'ns!"

Nick doubled over with laughter. Finally, in between chuckles: "Shut the fuck up, man! Here just take it! Don't make me laugh that hard again, though. That hurt." He tossed the off-pink plastic bag over to Dawson. The Marine snatched it out of middair. "My nigga."

Nick sat up. "Hey, throw me that MRE box."

Walle kicked it over. "You know there's nothing good in there, right?"

"Whatever, dude. They all suck. It's just varying degrees of suck."

"Like your wife?"

Nick glared at him...Finally letting an indifferent grin take over his features.

"Yeah, just like her. No point gettin' jealous though. I guess I could let you have my sloppy seconds. Y'know, seeing as how she's already mothering one of my children"

Walle grinned somewhat apologetically. "You get to see your kid yet?"

"Nah, dude. If the computers at the MWR had webcams, we could do something like that next time we were in the COP."

"Shit's weak man."

"Yup."

A tall figure exited the MATV with a handheld PRC-152 in his hand. Judging from the look on his face, shit was about to get retarded.

"Roger, we'll set it up. One-actual out." He put the radio in his radio pouch on his flak shoulder strap and walked over to the two Lance Corporals who were sitting in the dust, throwing pebbles back and forth at each other.

Nick glanced up at him. "What's goin' on, sir?"

Lt. Gibson waited a moment before replying. "Ah, not too much. Just got word from Company, though. We're staying here. And they want us to set up a TCP here, too. So, we're gonna be here for a while."

Walle made a face and Nick rolled his eyes. "Awesome."

The Lieutenant thought for a second. He looked over at the Marine manning the lead vic turret. "How long's Diaz been on watch?'

"About 2 hours."

"You gonna go replace him soon, or what?"

Nick and Walle glanced at each other. Walle spoke up. "Maybe when he learns to keep his rifle clean. I watched that motherfucker for 3 days. He didn't clean his rifle ONCE."

Lt. Gibson nodded. "Fair enough. Just make sure you keep checking if he needs water."

"Good to go, sir"

A series of soft thumps was heard in the distance. Every single conversation stopped and a terrified silence replaced it. Nick felt his guts turn to ice.

"Do we have a mortar attachment?" Nicholas yelled.

"Negative!" barked the Lt.

The distinct whistling sound of an 82mm mortar appeared in the air above them.

"FUCK! GET TO COVER! FIND COVER! INCOMING!"

Nicholas flew to his feet grabbing his kevlar and throwing it atop his head. He sprinted toward a small shed just to the right of the column. The first explosion shattered the ground behind him. A wave of percussive passed over his body, making his ears buzz. Then the second...third...sixthseventheighth...

The world shuddered and burned and shook around him...and shook...and shook...

XXX

His eyes flew open. He felt a hoof on his shoulder, shaking him awake. A pair of pink eyes stared back into his. "Damnit, Petal!" The blue filly jumped back. "Sorry! I just wanted to see if you were ready for some food." Petal Drops held out a plate with what appeared to be hay on it. Nick smirked and looked at the filly.

"Is that...hay?"

She nodded.

"I don't eat...hay..."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

The blue pony thought for a moment. "Do you eat...cupcakes?"

Nick looked at her skeptically. "You mean, with sugar and flour and NOT hay?"

"Yeah."

"Uh..Sure."

Petal Drops grinned. "Then we can go to Sugarcube Corner! They make the BEST cakes and pastries. Mr. and Mrs. Cake know how to make some awesome treats."

Nicholas raised an eyebrow. " Is it seriously called 'Sugarcube Corner'? Really? Can I get a side of diabetes there, too?" Petal deadpanned, clearly not understanding what he meant.

"...I don't know what that is...I bet they could make it though."

Nicholas sighed resignedly. "They already do... Come on, let's go check it out."

Nick sat up stiffly and rubbed his neck. "Should've found a real pillow." he grumbled. Finally rising to his feet, he glanced over at the little white filly. Her eyes were closed, her breathing even. Nicholas felt a slight warmth in his chest, knowing that she was still breathing. Petal Drops looked at him. "I think she's kind of taken with you."

"Oh yeah? In case you haven't noticed, I'm not what you'd call a good person...er pony...or...whatever"

"Yeah, but you came out of -literally- nowhere and helped her find that last letter. You can't be all bad." Petal Drops smiled at her reasoning.

Nicholas looked vacantly at her, smiling darkly. "You have no idea..."

Somewhat unsettled, Petal Drops needled a little more. "What do you mean?"

Silence overtook the conversation. Best to leave a little seed of fear planted in her mind...Just in case he needed it. After a few seconds of loaded silence, Nick deliberately changed the subject.

"How 'bout those cupcakes?" He asked with a toothy grin. Petal seemed only too glad to drop the subject. Forcing a smile, she began to walk towards the small desk near the main entrance. "Sure, let's get going." Nicholas began to walk after her.

Nurse Tenderheart sat at the front desk, clearly bored with her post, judging from the stack of pony-romance novels under the desk. She looked up at the visitors. "We'll be back in a bit. My friend here hasn't had breakfast yet. So if you need us, we'll be at 'Sugarcube Corner'." The mare was clearly distracted by the...thing standing in front of her. Nicholas noticed. "Take a picture. It'll last longer." Clearly flustered by her lack of manners, she stammered an apology. "I-I'm sorry. I've just...never had a...guest...quite like you. I didn't...ah..."

"Yeah, I know." Nick turned and strode out the door. Petal looked sympathetically at the flustered mare. "Sorry, he's kinda cranky." The nurse nodded. "I see that...Well, if he rescued that poor filly, he can't be too much trouble."

Petal Drops gave the nurse a reassuring smile and turned to follow Nicholas. He hadn't gone far. He was staring at the rest of the town. "WOW...I can see you ponyfolk enjoy bright, garish colors. Lemme guess, Sugarcube corner is the gingerbread lookin' house on the corner."

"Yeah! How'd you know." This drew an irritated stare from Nick.

"I guessed."

"Cool! Let's go!" As they walked toward the corner, Petal yelped with a sudden realization. "OH! I totally forgot about Pinkie Pie. She's gonna want to throw you a party when she meets you."

"Not happening."

Petal smirked, drawing amusement from his irritation. "You don't have a choice."

"Hah. We'll see."

Petal's horn glowed and the door to Sugarcube corner opened. Behind the counter stood a cyan, motherly looking pony in an apron. Nick chuckled to himself. "First bitch I've seen in a while that knows her place." The though brought a grin to his face. The smile disarmed some of the apprehension visible in the mare's face.

"Hi, Mrs. Cake! This is my friend, Nicholas. He's new in town, and I told him about your cupcakes. Any chance we could give him a treat?"

Mrs. Cake looked at the strange creature with the short, black mane. He didn't seem too...strange. And he'd smiled when he came in! The cyan mare swallowed her apprehension and smiled warmly at the visitor.

"Hello, Nicholas. It would be my pleasure to treat you to some cupcakes. In fact, I believe Pinkie Pie just finished a batch." Mrs. Cake turned her head towards the kitchen. "Pinkie, dear! Could you bring that tray of cupcakes for our visitor?"

Nicholas' eyes widened at the mention of the dreaded party pony. "Ah, that's quite alright! I could come back later...You seem...ah...busy..." His eyes scanned the empty store. He mentally kicked himself.

Mrs. Cake looked at her only customer, clearly confused. "Er...It's no trouble at all..."

"I insist! In fact I'll-" *GASP*

Nick looked for the source of the gasp. His eyes settled on a grinning pink filly with a wild pink mane. "That's gotta be her."

Pinkie bounced over to Nicholas, somehow keeping the heaping tray of cupcakes atop her head. "I haven't seen you before! And If I haven't seen you before, that means I haven't invited you to a party before! WHICH MEANS THAT YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO A PINKIE PIE PARTY! WHICH GIVES A SUPER-FABULOUS-SPECTACULAR IDEA!"

She narrowed her eyes.

"I'm gonna throw you..."

"Oh, God. Why?" The poor contract killer groaned.

"A PARTY! WITH STREAMERS AND BALLOONS AND CAKE AND CANDY AND GAMES AND PUNCH AND PIN-THE-TAIL-ON-THE-PONY! DO YOU LIKE PIN THE TAIL ON THE PONY?" The pink pony looked about ready to explode with the self-satisfaction of being able to throw another party.

"Ah...Sure..."

Somehow, by telling the laws of physics to fuck off, Pinkie Pie appeared on his shoulder. "DID WE JUST BECOME BEST FRIENDS?"

"Wait , how did you-"

"YEAH WE DID!"

Nicholas was taken aback by the whole outburst from the bubbly filly.

"W-w-wait. When's this party?"

Pinkie Pie's smile became even bigger. "It's a surprise" she whispered.

Nick stood there in utter confusion. Abruptly, Pinkie Pie rammed a cupcake into his mouth. "HOW IS IT?" She implored, eyes wide.

He chewed for a second. "If no' bag."

Pinkie bounced in front of him. "Of course it's not a "bag", silly filly! But wait, you're not a filly! What are you?"

Petal Drops mercifully broke her silence. "He's a human, and...I think you've scarred him with this experience, Pinkie." At that, she shot a wicked grin at Nicholas. His eyes begged to leave this awful store and the horrific pony who had robbed him of his bearing by means of cupcakes and parties.

"Besides, we need to get back to the clinic. Lemon Brittle got hurt last night."

Pinkie stopped bouncing and wrapped up the blue filly in a vice-like hug. "Aww! I'm so sorry! We should totally combine the 'Welcome, Mr. hyoo-man' party with a 'Get Well Soon' party for Lemon Brittle!" The thought of a two-for-one party combo set the Pink earth pony bouncing ecstatically.

"Ah..Right...Well, we need to get back. Could we get a bag for the cupcakes?"

Pinkie bounced behind the counter, and reemerged with a pink paper bag. "This is a bag, Mr. Hyoo-man!" She said, waving it enthusiastically in his face.

"It's Nick. And thanks. Cool. Let's go, Petal Drops." He said, starting for the door.

Pinkie vigorously waved goodby to the customers "Thank for stopping by, hyoo-man Nick! 2/3 Golf leads the way! Er-ruh!"

Nick's eyes and jaw dropped open in sheer amazement. "WHAT DID YOU JUST-" *SLAM*

The door slammed shut in his face. Petal looked at Nick with a measure of confusion. "What's a 2/3 Golf?" Nick was beyond words at this point. How the fuck did that pink terror know his old unit.

Nick began to shuffle back to the clinic "Dude...I just give up on trying to understand this place..."

Petal Drops giggled. "Yup. That's Pinkie!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry about the wait. I had a field op. And writer's block. And I got drunk a few too many nights... You know what, I'm just all fucked up. Here's more words and shit.**

"Now, when she says 'surprise party'..."

"When you least expect it. Yup."

Nick rolled his eyes. The last thing he wanted was a social event. He wasn't good around people...or ponies. Nick held the clinic door open for Petal Drops, then followed her in.

"Petal Drops?" It was Nurse Redheart. Petal Drops walked over to the small office window.

"Yes?"

"Lemon Brittle is awake. I can't speak for the well-being of her mind, however. And our clinic is not suited towards her problem. I can't help her. However, I believe the unicorn at the library may be able to help. I believe her name is Twilight Sparkle."

Petal looked towards Lemon's room. "Is she ok, though?"

"Oh, yes. Physically, there are no issues. Mentally, she's a mess. She won't talk, she stares into space. I've never seen anything like it."

"As fascinating as this line of conversation is, can we hurry up and go?"

The two ponies glanced at the disgruntled human. Nurse Redheart was the first to speak. "Yes, just let me grab a wheelchair and some sleeping medication."

"Nope." Nick walked toward the open door.

"Nicholas, where are you going?" cried Petal Drops trotting after him.

"This is taking too long, I got it." He said, hafting the catatonic white filly over his shoulder. He strode towards the exit, stopping only long enough to take the pills from the wide-eyed nurse.

"Thanks."

"Yes...well..." Nurse Redheart hesitated, then resignedly returned to the small office.

Nick whistled sharply. "Let's go, ya little blue headache."

"Glad you're warming up to me!" Grinning, Petal drops followed him out the door and into the sunlight.

XXX

"So she lives in a hollowed out tree..." He turned his eyes to the tree with windows a few hundred meters away.

"Yup."

"So I guess we just say 'fuck you' to the laws of physics and structural integrity, right?"

More confusion appeared on the blue filly's face. "I don't even know what those are!"

"I'll give you a crash course on them, someday."

"Is everyone like you from your world?"

"Is everyone like you in this one? No? Good, question answered. Besides, I'm just a little off because I've been thrown into a land occupied by colored ponies. Believe it or not, that wasn't on my to-do list for that particular evening."

"So, what was?"

"I'd...have taken a shower, and...gone to sleep...I guess..."

She looked at him strangely. "Well...You could do that here in Ponyville. I mean, it's not like you missed anything life-changing, right?"

"You're missing the point. What if you had been ripped away from your home, and tossed into a strange, alien place? Just because you didn't have any pressing issues at the time doesn't make it any easier. Especially not when you're the only one of your kind here."

Petal Drops smiled sadly. "At least you have friends here. It could be worse. You could be alone."

Nick stopped walking and looked at the smiling pony standing beside him. "...You consider yourself my friend?"

"Yeah. I do."

In spite of his situation, his misanthropy, and his generally shitty personality...Nick smiled. "Huh. Imagine that." he said softly.

"My goodness!" The pony and man turned around at the outburst.

A pristine white unicorn with a perfectly coifed main and tail stared wide-eyed at Nick. She trotted around Nicholas, taking in the design of his clothing. She spoke again, in her impeccable mid-Atlantic accent.

"Who designed this? I simply MUST know!" She gently stroked his suit jacket as her eyes shone with desire.

"Er...Brioni. Why?"

"I've never seen anything quite like it! The cut, the material; truly Haute Coutour at it's finest! You simply MUST introduce me to this 'Brioni' gentlecolt. Clearly, he knows the finer parts of stitchwork and design."

She paused briefly at the realization that she was speaking to a guest in Ponyville

"Oh! Where are my manners? I am Rarity; fashionista extraordinaire! And you, good sir, have excellent taste..Except for this. What is this hideous thing?" Rarity prodded at his handgun with a hoof. Nick gently nudged her hoof away from his sidearm.

"That, in my opinion, is the true work of art I carry on my person."

"So, what is it?" asked Petal Drops. "I mean, you take it everywhere, but I'd never really asked you about it."

"That'd be the moneymaker." He said grimly. Petal Drops rolled her eyes, understanding that she'd receive no further information about the mysterious item. Rarity, however maintained a thoroughly confused expression.

"Yes...Well...What does it do?"

"Trust me, miss. Now's not a good time. Come find me later."

"I see..." Her face lit up "I know! You could come by my boutique later. You can hardly miss it, it's the fashion center of Ponyville!"

"Fair enough, now if you'll excuse me, I need to get this little pony to Twilight Sparkle's library" He said, gesturing with his head at the placid filly on his shoulder.

"Goodness. Is she alright?"

"That's why we're going to the library. For...research...or something." he shrugged indifferently.

"Oh, well. I'm sorry I've kept you, then. Goodbye then, mister..."

"Nicholas."

"Mister Nicholas. How exotic. Well, I await your presence at the boutique! Ta-ta!" With that, she trotted off towards a cylindrical building further down the square. Nicholas watched her go.

"She seems..."

"Nice?" Petal drops ventured.

"...high maintenance..."

Petal laughed heartily at his appraisal. "Ha ha! Good call! Come on, let's get going."

XXX

A short series of knocks echoed throw the hollow tree. "Yeah, yeah. I'm coming." A stout purple dragon toddled towards the door. He threw the door open. A tall creature stood alongside a blue filly. A white pony with a yellow mane lay across the creatures left shoulder. Spike stared in silenced disbelief.

"...Twilight?"

"Yes?"

"...I'm pretty sure it's for you..."

A sigh came from the upstairs. The sound of a wood chair sliding across the floor was heard. Hoofsteps came down the stairs. Twilight's eyes bulged at the sight of the 6 foot giant standing in the doorway.

"Uh...come in..."

Nicholas stepped into the library, gazing at the masses of books lining the shelves. He heard Petal Drops introducing herself, and running Twilight through the story so far. After setting Lemon Brittle down on a couch, he began to peruse the books.

"...and she's been non-responsive ever since?"

"Yeah, she won't talk. Won't eat. It's really got me worried."

Twilight thought for a moment. "Spike, can you pull out 'Anthology of Mental Conditions and Disorders' for me?"

Spike climbed up the wheeled ladder, reaching over to a thick, red backed volume. He pulled it out, and began his descent down the ladder. He set the tome on a table. Twilight walked over to it, checking the symptoms catalogue for a relative match. Every now and then, she glanced at the bipedal creature. Finally, she spoke.

"So, what are you?"

"Isn't that the question of the day... I'm a human."

"In all my studies, I've never heard of a human. Where do you come from?"

He glanced over his shoulder. "A city called Houston. I promise you've never heard of it."

"No. I haven't. How did you get here?"

Nicholas paused.

"I...died... Apparently, God fucked up my ticket to hell, and sent me here instead." He shrugged.  
>"Shit's weak."<p>

"You DIED? How?"

"Somebody was quicker on the draw than me. I always knew it would happen someday."

Petal Drops tapped her hoof against her chin. "What's 'the draw'?"

Nicholas slid his Infinity from it's holster, glancing at the safety before holding it at his side. Instantly, the firearm was up, sighted in on the blue filly. "This is 'the draw'. This thing will end your fucking life should I so decide." Petal staggered back in fear, and Twilight's eyes were wide open.

"Relax. I have no desire for such an outcome." Gracefully, he reholstered the side arm. Petal Drops expression changed from one of fear to anger. "So that's what that is? A weapon? I'd like to hear about your life before Equestria."

"No." His expression was blank

"I didn't ask, Nick. I'm telling you." She glared daggers at him.

A thin smile formed on his lips "Is that right? Fine. Pardon me for giving you the condensed version, though." He took a seat on the couch next to the supine white filly. He took a deep breath. "I used to kill people for money. Somebody had a grudge, but didn't want to get their hands dirty. So they came to me. And I always delivered."

Petal Drops face fell. "How could you do that? And for money? So you're just a murder, then?"

"Essentially, yes." He glanced at the crestfallen pony and laughed. "What? Ha ha! You thought I was a good person? NOPE! Sorry to disappoint you, sweetheart. I'm as bad as they come."

"Why?" Twilight had found her voice at last. "Why would you do that? There has to be a...better way! Why would you take a life so casually?"

"Why not? I have nothing but contempt for my kind. Committing atrocities in the name of bettering the lives of others? Murdering people who disagree with your point of view? And if you weren't doing either of those, enabling the people who were? Fuck it. All I need is my paycheck."

Petal Drops walked slowly over to the couch and sat next to Nicholas. "But, you're no better than they are." She said softly. A look of rage captured the humans face.

"Who are you to judge?" He asked, his voice dripping with contempt. "All I see here is happiness and sugar-coated glee. Nothing bad, nothing evil. Who the fuck do you think you are, coming from your 'perfect' world, to tell me how to live in my imperfect one? Go step on a combat patrol through Var Dishu, where we protect the natives who kill us, and tell me that I'm part of the problem."

Nicholas stood up and strode to the window. He looked out at the town. Nothing but bright colors and candy. No strife, no anger. Just...forced glee. "You sit here in your ignorance and your ignorant bliss. I know there's evil out there. And in a dark corner of your mind, you do too. But here you sit, content to judge me, instead of helping those who need help. Instead of stopping the oppressors you refuse to acknowledge."

He turned to face the two ponies, a sneer on his face. "I'd rather be strong, than a slave to the strong. All I need, should the situation arise, is myself. I'd rather live alone, than die next to impotent allies."

His mind flashed to his wife's face, his son's face. Superimposed on a metal slab in a dark room. Slowly, and with a startling finality, covered with a sheet. *FLASH* Lance Corporal Dawson's face, covered with blood. The smell of smoke and seared flesh in the air. *FLASH* His father's face, ashen, in it's casket. His quivering hand grasping the corpse's. *FLASH* A bottle of whiskey on a table in front of him, and a pistol in his right hand. Tears running down his cheeks. *FLASH* Finally, back in a library in a cheery land...Far from his home...Just as alone as he'd always been.

Finally, he turned around. "I'd rather be secure, than befriended. Am I happy with my decisions? No. Can I change them? No. Would I change them?" A long pause seized the room.

"...I don't know. What I do know is this. There is a little pony laying on your sofa, who needs your help. I'm here for her. I don't know how much that is worth in the grand scheme of things, but I am. So please, Twilight Sparkle...Please, Petal Drops...Help me help her." A stillness enveloped the room.

Finally, Twilight Sparkle nodded her head almost imperceptibly. He felt a grip around his thighs. Petal Drops had him in a hug, tears in her eyes. She looked up at him. "But you don't have to be alone! I don't care about your past! You've proven that you have a heart, that you aren't just out for yourself. Let your friends help you."

He sighed heavily. He reached down and picked up the blue unicorn, holding her in a hug. "Someday, you might understand...But I hope you never do." He set her down, and walked back to the couch. Twilight and Petal Drops tentatively walked over to him. Twilight spoke first.

"If you need to talk...I'm here. I may not always understand what you mean, but I'm here."

"And I will be here for as long as you need me. Lemon Brittle too." She glanced at her friend sadly and sighed. "You can't change the past, but there's always a future that you can run towards. And tomorrow is always brighter than yesterday." She smiled at him.

He rubbed her mane absent-mindedly. "Then I guess I'll keep looking." He glanced at the white pony laying next to him. "But for now, I have a friend who needs my help. Come on, guys. Let's get started."


End file.
